I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
