am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
