He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
