You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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