Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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