I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
And then he peed in my hair
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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