His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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