you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
