I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
