We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
