Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
