If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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