she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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