Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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