Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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