So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You have to summon your inner elephant
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
