guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
