Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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