i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
