I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
