Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
