never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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