I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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