I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
