GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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