if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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