My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
