if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
