yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
