I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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