You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. đź’€
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
