Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
