im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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