mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
