Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
