so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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