Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
