Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
