I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
