You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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