you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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