Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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