Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The best revenge is premature balding
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Randomize
