omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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