You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize