no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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