i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
