You smell like a Billy Joel song
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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