At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Randomize
