i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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