Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
