I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
