Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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