when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
organizing the empties. That sober.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize