I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
