apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
