either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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