We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
