Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
