mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
