so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
