There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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