I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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