Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
