Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
