Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
