Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
