i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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