He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
