so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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