this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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