I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
