what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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