This is not my ceiling
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
