yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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